Your productivity is your value: scary, isn't it?

So as often happens, I was talking to my husband about this.

I was struggling with the idea that I PERCEIVE in my culture, that our value is tied to how much we work, or how hard we work.

Yes, you can say it’s true because to many of us it is - or was, growing up. I personally grew up in Northern Italy, where the pace of living is fast. It’s far from the culture of “dolce far niente”. 

I am personally changing that for myself and my family. I made the conscious decision to stop reinforcing this concept, simply because it makes me feel wayy better. 

See, to some of you this may be a basic concept, but I assure you that to some others, it’s almost unbelievable to detach RESPECT from HOW HARD the person works. 

I believe that we can choose our values, and our values reflect in our surroundings, meaning that I can change the feedback I receive from the external world based on what I change inside. In simple words, when I change a belief about the world around me, I change the world around me. This is also to some extent backed by Psychology.

Interested? Have a look at this:

It’s called “bias” but to me we can call it “Luigi” (more neutral connotation). Luigi is not necessarily a “brain fart” - a brain error, a malfunctioning mechanism. It’s funny how my degree in Psychology helped me go beyond Psychology, in a sense that actually set me free. I was always the critical thinker, the doubter, now I get to use that for things that matter to me.

Luigi helps you literally have a different experience of your reality. If Luigi is true - aka if confirmation bias is true - great! It means that YOU get to choose what you see, what you experience, what you live.

Do you believe life is shit? Sure as hell you’ll see it (it’s sad). Do you believe people are mean? You’ll see more of it. Do you believe life is a playground and you get to enjoy it? That’s what you’ll see more of. 

Some people hate this and go out their way to - ironically - prove their belief that our beliefs don’t shape what we see, BY BRINGING EVIDENCE THEY SAW. hehe Let’s just accept there is no way out of it. Do you wanna believe that your beliefs don’t shape your reality? There you go, you get perfect chaos. Your life starts looking more or less like this:

And you are low-key happy, because you prefer being right than being happy. With a little more depth - because I’m not here to criticize anybody, I’m here to help - You prefer the illusory comfort that you can’t take responsibility for what happens to you. It’s like you prefer unhappiness that does not depend on you to the incredible discomfort of knowing that you can do something to change the situation. 

*change of tone* 

I’ve noticed I was getting criticizing myself, and also angry at imaginary people that currently operate with said mechanism. Wanna know something fun? Whenever you have feelings about something - anger, for example - it means you are not over it yourself. So ladies and gents, yes I am writing this to talk to myself too. Since this conversation angered me, it means I am not over it myself, it means I not only do it myself, but I am mad at myself for doing it. 

Phewf, let’s take a nice breath. 

Back to the main issue. If you are one of the people that feel that their value is linked to how much they work, we’re here to stop believing in that and feel better. 

Option A) Think about it, if YOU link other people’s value to their productivity, deep down you will be very unhappy. Why? Because if you do it with everybody you do it with yourself, and that’s very sad, no? Isn’t it sad that you only or mostly appreciate yourself when you have worked? When you are productive? Isn’t it sad that you feel like you can take a vacation, take a break only if you “gained it”? There is another way, it’s very peaceful. I was and to some extent am one of you, I am recovering from 20 years of that being instilled in my culture, so deeply it took me that many years to doubt it. 

Option B) you think that in the eyes of OTHERS, your value is linked to that, even if you wished it wasn’t like that. This is personally easier to get over with, but it can be harder for someone else. As long as YOU KNOW how much you value, nothing else matters. You have to remember - yes, sometimes we forget - that you know your value, and even if it really feels important in the moment, another persons’ opinion isn’t. Plus, the more you will stop believing that “they” judge you for that, the fewer it will happen to you that you’ll even encounter this problem in your daily life (see Luigi, the confirmation bias).

There is a step further, that is the “Illusion of separation”. Guys this is trippy and very complicated. Why do I say so? Because I personally haven’t figured it out yet haha. Buddhism says it, quantum physics says it, it’s very interesting but it hasn’t clicked for me yet. Maybe one of you will help me. Basically this concept states that we are ONE with everything, thus with others too. 

In conclusion, I wrote this article to challenge the fact that we have to be valued for how much we work, how much we show we work, and also that we have to judge ourselves based on how productive we are. I wanna challenge that we were put on Earth to work. I wpuld like to shed light on the fact that until we change this we will find it very hard to relax. Sounds familiar?

When was the last time you allowed yourself to relax? Did you ensure to “work enough” priori to that? 

I’d like to know your opinion.

Love,

Bea