“I Keep Replaying Everything in My Head”

Rumination. That loop in your head that doesn’t stop.
You replay what happened over and over — the words you said, the things you did, the way you acted when your mind was at its most chaotic. You feel ashamed, guilty, and you wonder what others must think of you now.

The problem isn’t just what happened. It’s that you’re still carrying it. Every replay adds weight. Every “what if” and “if only” makes it heavier.

Here’s the best advice I can give: feel it once — and then let it go. Forgive. Forgive whoever did that, you or the other person.

There’s a Buddhist story I love: two monks were hiking a mountain. They met a woman struggling to cross a river. One monk carried her across. Hours later, the other monk was still upset: “You know we’re not supposed to touch women.” The first replied: “I carried her for one minute. You’ve been carrying her for two hours.”

And here's another Buddhist story about that:

A warrior was struck by an arrow in battle.
It hurt, of course, but he managed to keep going and eventually the fight ended.

On his way home, he began to think about the arrow.
Why me?
What if it had landed deeper?
What if I can never fight again?
He replayed the scene again and again, each thought cutting into him like a new wound.

By the time he arrived home, he looked down and it felt as if ten arrows were buried in his body, not one.

The truth was: there had only ever been a single arrow.
The other nine he created himself, with his mind.

What can we get from this? This was an expanded version of a simple Buddhist teaching that I will report here:

A person is struck by an arrow. That first arrow is painful.
But imagine they are then struck by a second arrow, in the very same place. That is far worse.

The Buddha explained: the first arrow is what life gives us — pain, loss, difficulty. We cannot always avoid it.
The second arrow is the suffering we create in our own mind: the fear, the rumination, the replaying of what happened.

The wise person feels the first arrow, but not the second.
The ordinary person feels both.

Here there is also a very interesting distinction between PAIN and SUFFERING, worth niticing.

The lightbulb moment: the memory isn’t what’s hurting you. It’s the replay. When you let go of the replay, the weight falls off.

So Bea, thank you for this but how do I let go? How do I set myself free from this?
This is an awesome quesiton, and it also means that for the first time you even think there is a choice! We grow up to forget about that, which unfortunately creates suffering over ous pains. 

Stopping the rumination sounds hard when you’re stuck in the loop, se here are some solutions:

1) Forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t about erasing the past — it’s about putting the weight down so you stop dragging it forward. It's about letting go, feeling light. It means that next time you happen to think about that, you won't feel anger or sadness. 

My husband, who I call a master of forgiveness, showed me that in his view there are 3 steps to forgiveness:

1. Understand what happened and why.

2. Accept that it happened — it’s real, unchangeable.

3. Forgive — once you understand and accept, you’re almost there.

2) Feel the feelings. Be brave and feel them. Dedicate some time (a few minutes) to that. Sit down, do nothing else but that and create space. You will notice that after sitting down feeling everything, you'll get distracted on your own. That is th moment where you notice you don't need to feel much anymore and you can go on with your life.

Let's see what ChatGPT has to say about that, I asked "him" to propose other solitions. Some are comparable to mine, some I think are not completely exhaustive but hey, the more the merrier! Pick the ones that resonate with you.

🔹 1. Catch the second arrow

When you notice your mind replaying something, name it: “second arrow.”
That small recognition breaks the illusion that the rumination is useful.

🔹 2. One-time feeling

Instead of replaying it 100 times, give yourself permission to feel the regret once — fully. Cry, journal, shout. Then tell yourself: “done.”

🔹 3. Redirect into choice

Quantum lens: every time you replay, you reinforce that version of reality. Ask: “Do I want to strengthen this timeline, or choose another?”
Shift to a micro-choice in the present (tea or coffee? walk or rest?).

🔹 4. Body first

Rumination lives in the head. Bring attention into the body: touch something cold, stretch, breathe deeply, walk. Physical sensation interrupts looping thought.

🔹 5. Externalize the loop

Write the recurring thought on paper. Stare at it. Often, once it’s outside the mind, it loses charge. You can even rip it up or burn it.

🔹 6. Compassionate voice

When the loop comes back, answer it with one compassionate phrase — like “yes, that happened, and I forgive myself.”
Repeat until it feels natural.

💡 Lightbulb takeaway (gently offered by the bot itself): You may not stop the first arrow. But you can decide not to shoot yourself with the next nine.

I'm sure this will help you, 
Contact me for any discussion or lighbulb moment
With Love, 
Bea