“I don't wanna work on my mental health” - that's okay!

And that's okay!
Very few people will say this but, hear me out: it's not WORK that you need to do.
Bear with me for a minute.

She’s 28. She’s been through a lot — let’s just leave it at that.
A past that wasn’t easy, years of pain, and a mind that hasn’t always felt like a safe place. She tried different paths, different labels, different remedies. Nothing really stuck.

But here’s the real weight she carries: guilt.

She feels guilty for the way she acted when her mind was at its most chaotic.
She feels guilty for not being able to hold down a “stable” job.
She even feels guilty for following her passion — because it didn’t turn into a career, and now that passion itself feels burnt out.
And maybe the heaviest guilt of all: she doesn’t want to “work on it” right now. She knows there’s help, tools, therapies — and yet, she doesn’t feel like going there. And she hates herself for that.

Let’s break this down one by one.

1. She feels guilty for the way she acted when her mind was at its most chaotic.

   I completely understand, it’s heavy. You feel like you mistreated people and that causes feelings of shame, guilt, even fear of what they could think of you now, it SUCKS. Best advice I can give here is: feel all this once (ONCE) and let go, forgive yourself.

   My husband actually is the real master of forgiveness. He taught me that in his view, there are 3 steps towards forgiveness: 1) understand - what the person did and why 2) accept - what they did, accept it’s a reality 3) forgive - once you understand and accept you are almost there.

   Try to not dwell on what you did. There is a buddhist story I heard somewhere that goes: two monks were hiking a mountain. They encountered a lady who was having a really hard time crossing a river. One of them helped her by carrying her to the other side, the other stayed silent. Two hours later the monks arrived at the top of the mountain, the second one still being silent. The first one asked: “anything wrong?” - “yeah well, you know we are not supposed to touch women whatsoever…” - then the first one replied: “yes, we are not, but I carried her for one minute, while you’ve been carrying her for the last two hours”. 
   
   

2. She feels guilty for not being able to hold down a “stable” job.

   What’s a stable job anyways? And most importantly, WHY DO YOU WANT IT? Sounds like a very obvious question? Does it sound dumb to you? Well … you decide. Why do you want a stable job?

   1) Because you want stability… okay that’s an illusion anyways. The employer can still fire you, the company can move to another location, the company can go bankrupt, you might actually HATE the job so… maybe a job that you hate being stable is not the perfect choice for you. So yeah life is change, life is uncertainty.

   2) Because it’s what people do for a living, aka “to live”. Well, that’s a lie we’ve been told, but I will not go into too many details, it’s a story for another time, and many of you know already.

   So if you think about it, you wanted that because you are supposed to want that. MAYBE, you being different, you diverging from other people was always the right thing. Maybe you are one of the few that low-low-key didn’t want that and could not bring herself to do that, and instead of praising yourself for it, you feel guilty, and for that I am sorry.
   
   

3. She even feels guilty for following her passion — because it didn’t turn into a career, and now that passion itself feels burnt out.

   When you force your passion to produce money for you, sometimes (depending on the person) what can happen is that money doesn’t come and you resent your passion. Actually, that passion of yours has nothing to do with why money didn’t come. It’s more about if you FEEL WORTH OF MAKING MONEY FROM YOUR PASSION. It’s more of a matter of not feeling guilty for not struggling and enduring a job you don’t like, like many. It has to do with you knowing that you CAN make money while doing something you love. Accidentally, you might have blamed the wrong thing. And mind you, I also might not be right and I am definitely not blaming you. I think the cause is the false beliefs that exist in our society, that many people share with you, sometimes even trying to “protect you”, not aware of how bad it can get.
   
   

4. And maybe the heaviest guilt of all: she doesn’t want to “work on it” right now. She knows there’s help, tools, therapies — and yet, she doesn’t feel like going there. And she hates herself for that.

Here we are, I’ll give you my unfiltered opinion on this. 

This is something very few psychiatrists will tell you, very few psychologists will tell you, like very few coaches and therapists. I have a bachelors and masters in Psychology by the way.

THERE IS NO WORK TO DO. Or better, if you want to, you CAN work on it, if you don’t, you can also not. 

Another false and very dangerous belief in our society is that to feel better, you need to work hard. 

Oh my G*****d I am so sorry that so many people think that. No, it’s optional. The “work hard” myth is everywhere in our world. It’s cool for some people, they like it, or some think they do, and that’s great. But it’s also bad because you think it’s the only option. 

So what is the other option Bea? 

Do exactly what you want to do. 

Sounds simple? Sounds weird?

Think about it, how many TIMES A DAY do YOU do what you want?
How many HOURS a day do you do what you want?

Re-read these questions, answer honestly. Take a deep breath and answer honestly. 

“Well but I don’t have time” - false belief, sorry.
“Well but I have responsibilities” - this does not prevent you from serving those in a way you like.

Doing what you want doesn't always mean go crazy and set things on fire, it also means that even if you feel like you have no choice (you probably do but…) you can do it your way, or you can do it at your pace, or in the order you like, or in the physical position you like (sitting down, standing, whatever). You always have a choice. 

But do you have any idea of all the things we forget we have power on? Or we forget we can do OUR WAY? So many:

• You have to send a work email? → Write it from the café you like instead of your desk.

• You need to cook dinner? → Put on your favorite playlist and make it your ritual, not a chore.

• You must attend a meeting? → Take notes with colors or drawings instead of bullet points, if that makes it more yours.

• You need to clean the house? → Do it barefoot, with a podcast in your ears, instead of rushing like punishment.

• You must call someone difficult? → Do it lying down, or walking outside, so at least your body feels good.

• You need to go grocery shopping? → Pick one small “gift item” for yourself, even if it’s just a fancy apple.

Also, ask yourself if you really need to. Can you shop tomorrow? Maybe! Postponing is not always wrong: trust yourself that you will feel more like doing it in the future and trust yourself that it’s better to rest today, what happens might surprise you.

My personal belief is that we all come with a spark of light inside of us, who knows exactly what’s good for us. And sometimes, we mistake that for laziness, call it names, get angry at it (aka at ourselves) for wanting/not wanting to do something, or judge that internal voice like an outside person would. Sometimes we internalize other people’s thoughts and it MELTS with our internal dialogue, which is super scary.

But, don’t despair, we just need to remember: remember to listen to ourselves, remember to trust ourselves. 

So in this case, you don’t wanna work on your mental health. Well I get it. You worked SO MUCH already. You worked for years, you tried to make people happy, to do what the world tells you to do, you faced a lot of hardships, I think it’s enough. Your mind is now probably telling you “I don’t wanna work anymore” and that’s a good thing. If you listen to that beautiful voice inside of you, the same one that’s telling you that, you will feel better. She just needs to be listened to.

So when you wake up, you ask yourself “what do I wanna do? Coffee or tea? Walk or stay home? Send the email from there or here? Do the washing or not? Do it like this or like that? Sugar or no sugar?” It starts with the simple things. Remember to not listen to what’s best recommended by society for you, remember to not listen to what you are supposed to do. Do it your way, you’ll feel how much power you have and how much you actually get to decide every day.

With Love,

Bea